He fakes left! He fakes right!
He jumps up on the bed. Hey!
Monster dog!
Aah!
Huhh!
Aahh! Aahh--hey, there's my lunch.
I thought I'd lost it.
That's disgusting!
Mmm...
Ok, guys, it's time to turn--
ow! Ow! Ow! Stepped on a dart!
Disinfectant?
Yes, please.
Aahh!
Ok, guys, that's it.
You've gotta clean up.
Cody, get to work. Zack...
Get a bulldozer.
Ok. You clean, I'll supervise.
I've been cleaning up your side of the room since we were 2.
And I've been supervising.
Don't we make a great team?
No. Now, get to work.
What a me--aah!
[Crash]
I found your pudding.
I could've sworn it was vanilla when I lost it.
♪ Here I am in your life ♪
♪ here you are in mine ♪
♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪
♪ most of the time ♪
♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ just me and you know what to do ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ it's you and me and me and you ♪
♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪
♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪
♪ so come on down ♪
♪ this is the suite life ♪
♪ we've got a suite life ♪
Maddie...What's a merit scolar? [Mispronounces]
Well, it's someone who could read the sign.
And pronounce the word "scholar." [Laughs]
But you were delightfully close.
Oh! It's a bunch of smarty-pants.
Mm-hmm. Uhh!
I can't think of anything worse
than having my hotel filled
with a bunch of brainiac, nerdy-looking geeks.
You know, London, just because someone's smart
doesn't make them a nerdy-looking geek.
You're not helping the cause, people!
Ooh! That nerd is cute!
Yeah, he is! Hold him!
Oh, please. Like that guy would give you the time of day.
Why would I ask him what time it is?
You got me.
Hi!
Hi! [Chuckles]
Are you here for the merit scholar thing?
Uh...Yeah. Yeah, I'm Trevor. Phi beta kappa.
I'm London. Buy lots of stuff-a.
[Laughs]
All right! That's clever.
You know, my mom belongs to that club.
Last month, my dad couldn't pay the rent-a.
Oh. By the way...
Perchance, might you tell me
what is the time of day?
Actually, I believe it's time
to escort a pretty girl to lunch.
[London gasps]
[Dust Buster whirs]
Where've you been? I asked you to get me
some more dust rags half an hour ago.
I couldn't find any.
Where did you look?
The refrigerator.
All I found was 2 bagels,
a soda, and some cheese balls.
The guys will be here any minute. Get the game board.
Ok.
Perfect.
Whoa!
What the...? How d--what--
found it!
The game board?
And the other half of my sandwich.
If mom sees this, she'll be ticked.
And I am not-- repeat, not--
not.
Cleaning this up again.
Fine. I'm not.
Ok. I mean it.
I know.
I've got to clean it up!
Hey, guys.
Who's ready to play total world conquest?
Huhhnh!
Ow!
Sorry about the mess, guys.
Someone doesn't care if he lives in a pigsty!
That would be me.
Oink, oink!
Are we going to talk or play the game?
It's more than a game.
It's a test of your will, your strength,
your ruthlessness.
[Bell dings]
Ooh, my mini-weenies are done!
Oh, oh, oh!
Did you make the medley of dipping sauces?
It wouldn't be total world conquest without it!
London, you're so delightfully... Acerbic.
Well, I do acerbicize.
[Both laughing]
No, London. Acerbic means--
I know what it means.
After all, I am a merit scholar.
And I'm an Egyptian belly dancer named melina.
Oh! I wear a veil. Ha ha ha.
It's quite tasteful.
[Humming mid-eastern tune]
And then she said, "who," instead of "whom."
I'm not a grammar snob, but it's just egregious
when somebody uses the subjective case
instead of the accusative case.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Will you accuse me for one moment?
Maddie, help me!
I can't get through this lunch.
Unh! Ok.
The fork is the one with the pointy end.
No. I can't understand a single thing he says.
Give me my opinion on something.
Oh. Just tell him your favorite composer is bach.
Where's he been?
He's dead.
So he came bach from the dead?
Can I see your hat?
Oh, sure.
Ow!
His name is bach, not that it matters.
It's not like he's going to ask you out or anything.
London? I just wanted to ask you out.
How about that?
So what do you say? Saturday?
Do you like modern art?
Oh, I like anybody named art,
and I don't care how old they are.
Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha-- isn't she just--
ha ha. Yeah, she's just, all right.
Well, I'll see you later.
I don't want to miss te lecture on genealogy.
Ha! I know all about genealogy.
It's where you rub the lamp and get 3 wishes.
I've met bread smarter than you.
That's why I need your help.
Why should I help you?
You are not the boss of me.
I'll pay you 100 bucks.
Oh, I was wrong. You are the boss of me.
Ha! I'm about to overrun your country!
Any last words?
Mini-weenies!
And my array of sauces!
Do you mind?
I am trying to conquer the world.
Well, you can't conquer the world on an empty stomach.
Well, yeah, that's true.
Yeah. That's true.
Hot, hot, hot!
Whoops.
Zack! You just dropped stone ground mustard on the carpet!
No problem.
There. All clean.
It's not clean!
Now it's a stain!
That's it. No crme brulee for you!
Will you just chill?
I will not chill!
Not as long as you continue to treat our room
like a giant garbage can!
Hate it when they fight.
All I ask for are a couple of ground rules.
Like what?
Like I need to be able to see the ground!
Ok. Here you go.
There.
Problem solved.
Problem not solved!
Problem still here!
Why you talk like that?
Because I angry!
Ohh! I mean, I'm angry!
What's all the shouting?
Mr. amd Mrs. Martin are having a spat.
I'm not going to have you guys playing total world conquest
if it leads to fighting.
Ok, that sounded odd.
Just once I'd like to get through a game!
We're outta here!
Come on.
Let's go.
Guys.
Forgot my weenies.
Thank you.
Guys!
Didn't I tell you to clean up this room?
I did clean it!
And then Zack messed it up again!
Cody, I feel as brothers, we should share the blame.
I can't even stand sharing your DNA.
And they're tiny.
Mom, I'm tired of you
lumping us together all the time.
I can't help it.
I'm the single mother of twins.
I need to lump.
Well, this lump is moving out.
Where are you planning on going?
Someplace I can call my own.
Someplace where there's a place for everything
and everything is in its place.
The filing cabinet?
No.
The coat closet!
I miss him already.
Aah! A spider!
I don't.
Moseby!
Which of the following phrases sounds the most smarticle.
The one that doesn't use the word smarticle.
London, I have something that's going to make you seem smart.
Ohh!
Smarticle.
Here. It's a chip.
Ooh, I love chocolate.
Ugh! Ugh!
This tastes terrible.
It's not a chocolate chip. It's a computer chip.
Ooh!
Actually it's a tiny-- very damp--hearing device.
Ok. You put it in your ear and I can talk to you without Trevor even knowing.
Or you can tell the boy the truth and see if he likes you for who you are.
Good luck with the chip.
Now, all you have to do is repeat everything I say.
All you have to do is repeat everything I say.
Don't start yet, London.
Stop it. Stop it.
This isn't worth 100 bucks.
Ohh, this isn't worth 100 bucks.
Maddie, I'm going to pay you 250 bucks.
Maddie, not going to happen.
Guys, I'm leaving. You need anything?
Cody: Yeah!
A machine that erases all memory of my brother!
That's nice, honey. See you later!
Mom! I'm changing!
Can't a man have some privacy in his own closet?
Sorry, honey. I forgot you were living in there.
Can I have my coat?
No, I wanted the blue one.
Not with those shoes.
Hey, closet boy, how's the view in there?
As long as I'm not seeing you,
I'm happy.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to get back to my renovations.
Cody, remember, we don't own this place.
Don't worry, mom.
I'm only doing a couple of things in there
to make it a little more homey.
[Power drill blasting]
Nah, I don't wanna know.
Ok. Well, this is either a work of staggering genius
or painted by a cat.
How does he hold the brush?
Ha ha ha ha ha. Bru...Right.
Uh...
Ah, so what do you think of this one?
Hmm. What do I think of...
"Sunset by azowa?
Born 1920, died 1983."
I feel it's a powerful statement about nature,
which uses light in a new and creative way.
You know, I feel it's a powerful statement against nature--
[whispering] About nature!
I mean about nature,
which uses light in a new and creative way.
London, you're amazing.
Well, modern art is my life.
You know, you're sitting on a masterpiece.
Ha. I knew these pants made me look good.
I wasn't talking about that,
but now that you mention it,
wow! Ha ha.
So what's your favorite piece of art?
That you haven't sat on.
I'd have to say...
[Whispering] The Jackson pollack. He's such a master.
The Jackson pollack.
He's such a-- [Radio interference]
Perpetrator heading South on South on mcfarland highway.
Proceed with caution.
Excuse me?
Sorry, London. Sometimes this thing picks up police frequencies.
I know I should occupy Australia,
but I hear they have all these poisonous animals.
Ok. For the last time, it is just a game!
You will not at any time actually have to go to Australia.
I miss Cody. I wonder what he's doing.
He's probably dust busting his socks.
Oh! You think he'll do mine?
I'll go ask him!
No. It's your turn.
Oh.
I miss Cody so much.
I can almost smell his lamb kabobs.
Wait.
Those are his lamb kabobs.
Maybe I should go over there
and see what's taking him so long.
You know, I think I'll go help him, too.
You know, I made something exactly like this in first grade
and I got a "d."
You like tuttle?
Oh! Do I!
Do I?
Just say yes, London.
Yes, London.
Pardon.
Oh, never mind.
So what's your favorite class?
Upper.
That's a great one, if you can get into it.
Ha ha.
I like poli-sci.
Oh! I love science fiction!
Stupid!
What?
Not him. I was talking about you.
If he likes poli-sci,
it means he wants to go into politics.
What do you want to do with politics?
Oh. Well, mayor, governor, senator, president,
and then talk show host.
Oh!
Maybe I could be vice talk show host.
Ask him what he'll do to help the environment when he's president?
So how are you going to help the environment
when you're president?
Actually I believe
there are too many restrictions
on developing the wilderness already.
What?
How can you be such a jerk?
How can you be such a jerk?!
Excuse me?
Tell that jerk it's people like him
who are killing our planet.
I'd rather not.
You'd rather not what?
Tell you that jerks like you are killing our planet.
You are so fired.
I don't work for you.
And neither do I!
And you can tell Mr. merit scholar that he can--
hello.
Pay no attention to the woman behind the wall.
Who are you and why are you insulting me?
I'm London's brain.
I'm the on who's been talking to you all day,
and I can't listen to your drivel for one more second!
[Electronic feedback] Ow!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ok. What's this about?
Look, the truth is
maddie's been coaching me through this computer chocolate chip.
Why would you need coaching?
Wait a minute.
Did she just say computer chocolate chip?
Enough said.
Well, I'm not smart.
I'm not a merit scholar.
I'm not even sure
what we've been talking about for the last two days.
So all the stuff that you were saying
about art and music and literature,
those weren't your opinions?
Nope.
Oh! Except for what I said about the banana-nut muffins.
I really do like them.
They're soft from the banana,
yet crunchy from the nuts.
It doesn't get any deeper than that.
The good news is
nut girl will probably vote for you.
Unlike me.
Oh, yeah? Well, I don't need the vote of some tree hugger.
If you have it your way,
there won't be any trees left to hug.
Next you're going to blame the oil companies for global warming.
Yes, 'cause they're to blame.
Oh, cry me a river.
If I did, you'd pollute it.
You bleeding-heart liberal!
Establishment puppet!
You want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?
I'm surprised someone as smart as you would have to ask!
Wow. Didn't see that coming.
I hate you!
I hate you more!
Boy, I wonder what they'd do if they liked each other.
[Bell chiming]
[Still chiming]
May I help you?
I'm looking for my friends,
Bob, Warren and Jeremy.
I'll see if I can find them.
Where could they be hiding?
It's a closet!
Ok, fine.
[Soft music playing]
Whoa!
Would you like a juice spritzer?
It's banapple.
It's simply delicious.
All: Cheers.
[Knock on door]
Would you get that?
Hi. I'm here to measure
for the wall-to-wall carpeting.
Come on in.
Hold this.
Excuse me, guys. Coming through.
Oh!
Excuse me.
Isn't this awesome?
It's like a little house.
It's elegant yet casual.
It's sophisticated yet tasteful.
I think it's stupid yet stupid.
[Knock on door]
I'm here to make up the bed.
Perfect. Let me show you to the bedroom.
Excuse me. Coming through.
Sorry. Watch out.
Sorry, sorry.
Ohh! Eh!
Guys, thanks.
Let's get back to our game now.
[Knock on door] Could you get that?
Yeah, it's getting kind of lonely in here.
Housekeeping. I'm here to clean up.
You come here often?
[Knock on door]
Man: Delivery.
Of course.
I have a big screen tv
for a Cody Martin.
Great! It goes in the den.
Right this way.
Whoa!
Comin' through. Get outta the way.
Come on. Move it. Move it or lose it.
I'd like to hang it up right about here.
How could you afford all this?
I made some wise investments with my allowance,
while others invested in gum,
most of which is still on the floor of our--
excuse me-- your room.
Ok, so my room's a little messy.
A little? Your room smells like toe jam.
On a hot day.
[Knock on door]
Come in! Join the party.
Hi. Did someone order a massage?
Oh, over here. Right here, yeah.
Ooh! Food!
Ok.
Ohh! This is the life.
You were saying?
People, you're in a closet!
What more can you do in here?
[Knock on door]
Man: Room service!
I should've known.
More food.
Pretty cool. Wow, Cody,
you really know how to throw a great party.
Guys, would you rather be in a 6' x 6' closet--
actually it's 61/2 by 6 3/4.
Like it makes a difference.
Don't be afraid to really dig in.
Oh, good. Good.
About the dipping sauces,
is that coconut?
Who cares?!
Would you guys rather stay
in a tiny, airless room
packed with a million people
than hang out in my room?
Guys: Yeah!
You know what? Fine.
I'm outta here.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Ooh. Tiniest formality.
Maybe like Janet Jackson--
not happening.
Aah--aah--aah! Whoa!
What's going on in there?
A party.
[Sighs]
Who has a party in a closet?
Aah!
Perfect!
I am so proud of you.
Now give me back my quarter.
Is it safe to come in?
Very funny.
Whoa!
What happened in here?
Your brother has finally seen the light.
And the floor.
So you cleaned this entire room
by yourself?
Yeah.
I've never been so tired in my life.
Impressive.
Do you mind?
I just made that.
I'm dreaming.
No one pinch me.
I was thinking. If you move back,
I could keep my side clean,
you would keep your side clean,
and I wouldn't have to clean both sides.
Ok.
Wow! That was easy.
You must've missed me, too.
No.
The fire marshal shut me down.
Apparently the maximum occupancy of my closet
is 3 coats and an umbrella.
So we're roomies again?
As long as you keep everything sanitary.
Deal.
[Spitting] [Spitting]